It seems like I've lived a week in the last 43 hours. I'm still in shock, obviously, but feeling some peace and comfort, too. There's nothing I could say about Chad that those who knew him didn't already know. Our love was one of a kind. I've never had anyone love me the way he did. I didn't know that I was gorgeous, cute, funny, wonderful, spiritual, or anyone to take notice of, until I met Chad. He saw who I really was and who I was trying to be. He helped me let that out for others to see too. Although I feel like we have been married for a long time (13 years), it seems like now, it was only a short time. Chad and I were like "peas and carrots" (Forrest Gump). I am grateful for an eternal perspective at a time like this. We had a lot of difficult conversations over the last three years regarding the possible outcome that has now become reality. We reminded eachother that forever was a lot longer than the 50 or so years we had hoped to have. I remember when we were first married, we were excited that we had a shot at making our 50 year anniversary because we got married so young!
I hope to see many friends at his services Wednesday and Thursday. His obituary is available for viewing online at www.deseretnews.com.
I don't have many digital pictures of Chad and I before we had the kid, but these two that I've used seem appropriate. The one above is from a trip to Vegas that we took about 1 week before he got sick in March of 2006. The one below is from a trip we took to Colorado over Memorial Day this year. The location is at Flagstaff in Boulder, Colorado. It's where we went on our second date.
9 comments:
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AUDREY!!! Your strength over the past 3 years has been an inspiration to me and surpasses all comprehension. I admire you so much! Please know that Chad could not have married a better person.
Audrey, you don't know me but my daughter is Jennie Beaird. I have seen your families joys and struggles through my daughters eyes and yet I feel like I have know you, chad and the kids. My daughter has always admired you and Chad and always told me how great you were. May the Lord give you the strength and peace to continue on your path.
Audrey, you are an amazing woman. I remember our first conversation about Chad's condition outside of Red Robin. I have always admired you for your strength. I know the Lord will bless you and your two adorable children through this experience. Spencer and I are grateful that we were able to spend a great evening with Chad a few weeks ago. Chad is one amazing person, I know Spencer thinks very highly of him and we have always been so impressed by both of your love and kindness towards all.
Audrey, I have started this posting along with a note on the SL Trib website about 10 times now. I end up crying to hard to finish and just erase it all and think that I will start again later.
I am going to push through the tears so that I can get this much needed note to you. (Probably more for me than for you)
I remember your testimony a few weeks ago in church and how incredibly inspired I felt by you. Your strength and testimony will always amaze me. I remember thinking that you had incredible faith in the Lord as you knew this time was approaching. Your faith in Him will help you in fantastic ways. Your knowledge that you will see the "old" Chad again in his healthy, wholesome ways will get you through the insanely tough, lonesome times. The great thing about having the gospel in our lives is that we KNOW that we are never truly alone. Chad will be right by you, Bridger and Olivia throughout the best of times and the worst of times.
I don't mean to sound like a preacher...please know that I am here for what ever you need.
Much love!
Samantha
Audrey, I can't imagine what you will face in the coming days and years, but I know your faith in our Saviors plan will guide you through as it has done so far. From the first day to the last I had never had a conversation with Chad that didn't include you and how much he loved you. And even before I ever met you, I shared that love for you. You are an amazing woman and I am so happy to call you my friend. You have truly been an inspiration to many and I know you will continue to touch so many more. I love you and have such a respect for your strength and courage.
Audrey,
this is Liz from ARUP :) - Jennie told me about your blog today so I checked it out. I just want you to know that you are amazing. The things you said today at the service really inspired me. I'm glad to have been one of the lucky people on this earth that got to be a friend of Chad's. Know that I'm your friend too.
Audrey, the service yesterday was a beautiful tribute. Like many people, I feel like I know you from the stories Chad was always telling us at work. Boy, could he tell a great story! He was so witty. I loved trading barbs about baseball (red sox fan!) and hearing his "bad luck" tales.
I know you already know this, but I just wanted to say that Chad always spoke of you as his soul mate, as his best friend, the woman he was so proud to have as his wife. Even when he was telling a funny male vs. femaile story about how he "gets" to watch Pride and Prejudice with you instead of going to a game . . . (hahaha) or something like that, his adoration for you was obvious. After he got sick, he credited you with getting him through every single moment.
Your strength is apparent and incredible. You are inspiring. Please know in the coming months, when things quiet down (too much), that we are pulling for you and thinking of you.
Oh, Audrey.....He is your Chad and will always be. Like I said at the funeral, You are the best thing that ever happened to Chad. You were a blessing for him and will forever be. I have and will always have great memories of you and Chad coming to Pocatello to visit us. I will always have wonderful memories of family reunions, get togethers, holidays, etc. They are that more precious to me considering the circumstances. I loved him so much. He truly became what God wanted him to become through his trial with cancer, but I have seen you emerge into a better, stronger, more faithful, courageous, loving, hopeful, charitable person as you have helped him through all of the difficulties. We become who He wants us to be through our trials and challenges of life. Chuck gave the FHE lesson a few weeks ago and took a rope and tied a knot in the middle. He explained to the children that the knot is our lives here on earth. He told them that compared with eternity, it is only a small bump in the road. I love you Audrey and always will. We will be here for you no matter what!
I know that you will endure to the end, just as Chad did. He is my hero. You are my hero. Chad loved you more than you could ever have imagined. He always will. You are always in our prayers. Love, Kami
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